Using Coaching Skills to Deepen Your Conversation with God
Prayer is not a performance to master or a problem to solve. I have often defined prayer as “Listening to and talking with God.” Prayer is a relationship between you and God that includes listen, speaking honestly, and attentiveness to His presence and purposes.
Many Christians sincerely desire a deeper prayer life and struggle to make prayer a consistent and meaningful part of their daily lives. This is where the use of coaching skills come in. A coach approach can provide structure, intentionality, and reflection that help us cultivate a more vibrant life of prayer.
Begin with Curiosity
Good coaches are curious. Rather than immediately telling someone what to do, they ask questions that help the person discover what is happening beneath the surface.
We can bring that same posture into prayer.
Instead of beginning every prayer with a list of requests, consider asking God questions such as:
“Father, what do You want me to notice today?”
“What are my circumstances teaching me about You?”
“Who do You want me to serve today?”
“What are You inviting me to surrender?”
These questions position us as attentive participants in a relationship with Him. Curiosity slows us down and creates space to notice what God may be doing in our hearts and lives.
Practice Deep Listening
One of the foundational skills of coaching is listening; not merely waiting for our turn to speak but giving focused attention to what is being communicated. Prayer can benefit from the discipline of giving our focused attention to God.
Many of us spend most of our prayer time talking. Try incorporating intentional silence during your prayer time. We can practice this skill by sitting in God’s presence as we pray. We can also reflect on God’s Word by doing more than reading through the words… try slowing down to listening deeply to what God is communicating through Scripture. Pay attention to thoughts, emotions, convictions, and desires that emerge. Ask, “Lord, what might You be showing me through this Scripture?”
Move from Awareness to Response
Coaching helps people move from awareness to action. Prayer should include dialogue, listening, awareness, and response.
To respond in our prayer times, we can consider asking:
“What have I become aware of?”
“What is God inviting me to do?”
“What would obedience look like today?”
“What action will I take?”
Perhaps prayer reveals a relationship that needs reconciliation, a habit that needs to change, a person who needs encouragement, or an opportunity to serve. Prayer becomes transformational when what happens in God’s presence shapes what happens in our daily lives.
Establish Accountability and Reflection
Coaching recognizes that intentional growth often requires accountability. One way to practice self-accountability during our prayer time is to document what God is saying to us and to log our learning and our commitments. This can be done as a bullet point list kept on your computer or phone, or in a prayer journal that you come back to day after day.
When journaling, be sure to record what you prayed about, what you are noticing, Scriptures that are meaningful, and ways you sense God is leading you. Review your entries periodically to inform your spiritual development.
Look for patterns.
Where are you growing?
Where are you avoiding God?
What prayers have been answered?
Where might God be forming something in you that you did not initially recognize?
You might even invite a trusted spiritual mentor, pastor, or friend to occasionally discuss your prayer journey.
Let the Goal Be Formation, Not Performance
Prayer is not a productivity system.
Coaching can help us establish rhythms, identify obstacles, ask powerful questions, and pursue intentional growth. Prayer is different. Prayer is ultimately about communion with God. We are not trying to become better at prayer so that God will love us more. We pray because we are already loved.
Therefore, the question is not, “How can I pray more?” The question we should be asking is, “How is God inviting me to know Him, trust Him, and follow Him more deeply?”
When coaching skills are placed in service of spiritual formation, they can help us become more curious, attentive, reflective, intentional, and responsive. And those qualities can create greater space for what prayer has always been intended to produce: a life increasingly formed by the presence and purposes of God.
